The beginning of the end.

I know these extra, irrelevant, random posts are just a form of procrastination from catching up on my ToDo List Posts, but I feel this one is necessary.It just occurred to me that tomorrow is my last first day of school. Well, that is, until college when I will have more important things to worry about: getting to know my roommate, getting used to the food, figuring out where my classes are, meeting new people, living in a new home away from my parents. I will never feel the same, simultaneous nervousness/excitement waking up at 6 a.m. after a three-month vacation with a new tan and a new wardrobe and new expectations. I already know most everyone I will see tomorrow, because they’re mostly the same people I’ve seen for the past four years, whereas in college, I will know little to no one and have to make all new friends. To be honest, I don’t know what gets everyone so riled up about the first day of school. Now that I’ve seen 12 first days, I know that there really isn’t anything to be excited about anymore. I already know all my teachers, where my classes are, and probably who I’ll sit with.

I guess it’s the fact that my mom won’t be watching me walk to the bus stop this year, or dropping me off at school. I’ll be driving myself to school in my own car and parking in the forbidden Senior Parking Lot. That might be what’s giving me the hebegebies. Maybe I’m just worried about starting this school year off on the right foot. Last year I actually made a mental note to step into the building with my right foot (for good juju, karma, etc.) but after exploring the possibilities of switching feet mid-step and falling flat on my face and then getting nervous about that, I ended up forgetting to do it all together. I suppose this year I could try again, because seniors are much more poised and confident and mature… yea right. I might feel a little different with each passing year, but whatever is changing it’s definitely not my maturity. I know I will eternally be a kid: heart, mind, and soul.

It used to worry me that my friends and I seem to be growing up so quickly, but I think it’s just our time. I don’t have regrets, I don’t wish I would have done anything differently (except maybe studying for a few tests to avoid some Cs in Earth Science, Chemistry, and Pre-Calculus), but I do wish I could have had more time. I suppose it never seems fair when it’s over. Otherwise Jim Croce wouldn’t have written a song that goes, “There never seems to be enough time to do the things you want to do once you find them.” I am a little scared that with all my activities (being an SCA officer, school newspaper, volleyball, French Honor Society, a middle school leadership workshop, PLUS being in IB) my senior year will fly by and I’ll be graduating before I know it. I just hope that this year will be one to remember. I’ve found what I want to do and I hope that one year is enough time to do it.

Well, I don’t want to get into the deep sentimentality pertaining to my big day tomorrow because it will make me even more anxious. So goodnight to all of you school-bound or not tomorrow morning.

To those of you who are starting a new school year tomorrow, no matter what grade, start it off on the right foot.

“Religion is the opiate of the people” -Karl Marx

Beware: Serious topic ahead. Not for the faint-hearted.

A lot of people are, let’s call it, conservative and uncomfortable in letting public school teach anything about religion. These people are the ones who fight to censor things that need not be censored. I heard somewhere that one lady tried to have the Harry Potter series removed from public libraries in her area because it encourages witchcraft… uhh, find something else to do with your time, lady. There are many things I’ve learned in school which are centered around controversial topics such as religion, cloning, and evolution. Our Biology teacher decided to teach a huge unit on evolution this year and we also covered cloning. In tenth grade, one of our homework assignments was to read some story from the bible and we discussed it in class. The quote in the title? That was the topic of a timed writing assignment my freshman year in English class, we had to decide whether we agreed or disagreed. To tell you the truth I wish I knew where that paper was and what I said. I wonder if it has changed over the years.

Coming from a family with a Jewish mother and Baptist father, I haven’t been exposed to much in the realm of religion in effort to keep me unbiased. To an extent, I know almost nothing about religion, except those few things I’ve been taught in school by teachers or classmates. I mean, I’ve celebrated Hanukkah for several years, lighting the menorah and saying the Baruch ata adonai blessing. I’ve also celebrated Christmas and all other christian holidays since I was born. I was baptised and I’m Jewish; Jesus was the same way. You could say I’m bi-curious in a religious sense. Now that I’m arriving in that crossroads of my life when I decide what college I want to go to, what I want to study, what I want to be and do, and what I want to believe, it’s approaching the time when I choose an absolute religion. It hasn’t made me a bad person by being part of two religions and it hasn’t made me question who I am at all, I just hate this wishy washy business. When people ask if I’m Christian or Jewish I want to be able to answer with yes or no, not “Well, technically I’m… but…” I want to spare myself the ten minute explanation and the questions thereafter and just pick a side already.

It’s not that I don’t know who I am because I don’t know what I believe, I’m a lost soul, “God help me,” and what not. I just would like to be sure of myself by picking something and sticking to it. I’m definitely a Google junkie, I turn to the internet for every problem and question, most times even after asking my parents or other people. It sounds like I’m internet dependent for all of life’s problems, but I like to think of it as looking up every possibility and finding every piece of information I can so I can make an informed decision. So of course, I’ve researched both, but I don’t think research can help me this time. And maybe I don’t need a religion after all. Maybe I can just be content with believing in something, even if I’m not quite sure what it is. Religion is, in fact the opiate of the people. “Religion is the impotence of the human mind to deal with occurrences
it cannot understand.” I’ll keep you posted. Maybe I’ll decide, maybe I won’t. Maybe I’ll decide to be buddhist. Who knows? God only knows. Goodnight.

So, is it bad when your voicemail calls you?

Hello to my very few loyal readers. It has been quite some time and yes, I am back. I apologize for my longer-than-expected absence and I do realize I haven’t filled you in since February. Just know that you have been on my mind and there are MYRIAD things we need to catch up on. This could possibly take some time as I do still have two exams left in my school year and I seem to be booked for most of the summer already. However, I promise to dedicate some time before I leave for Radford to updating the ToDo List and post some random stuff as well. Oh, I’ll also cure your curiosity as to why I’m going to Radford. Until then, enjoy your last few days of fireflies!

Positive Thinkings

This is not part of my ToDo List, but it’s something I’ve been wanting to do.

It started about a month ago when I saw a sticky note on the window of my french portable. Written on the sticky note was a quote and hearts and whatnot. I don’t know how it got there or who it came from, but it made me happy. I thought, “Oh, you can do that? What a wonderful idea!”

A few days ago I found a little pad of paper on my mom’s desk, perfect for cute notes, and I remembered the sticky note. I realized that I could make people happy taping them around school in random places. Tuesday I taped my first inspiring note to a soap dispenser in the girls’ bathroom in the 200 hallway. The note read, “Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful,” a quote from the German philosopher Albert Schweitzer. I really believe that nothing should stop you from doing the things you want to do and not letting anyone tell you something else is better. If you want to play saxophone because you like jazz music, don’t let your mom decide you will play the piano.

Tomorrow’s note will say “Keep your face always toward the sunshine and the shadows will fall behind you.” I love Walt Whitman and I think this one says a lot about how our perceptions influence our experiences. I won’t elaborate anymore on that because this would go on forever, haha!

I call these notes “positive thinkings.” Yes, I know that’s bad grammar, but it serves the purpose. I hope that, even if only one person sees the note, I can make someone’s day better. We could all use a mood-booster, especially in school.

Play the saxophone.

yellow dahlia

yellow dahlia